Hello My Dear Readers,
It has been exactly a year since I released this tiny space for Mind of a Mongol. She wanted to share her world of view of others, she wanted to inspire, she wanted to shed some light and heat through her blog space and social media handles. But during her journey she got confused, disappointed, and tired... but most importantly she discovered more in herself.
Putting myself out there - whether it was conversing, creating, dreaming and actually doing things with people - was PHENOMENAL. However, for the past three months... it has been exhausting. Mentally and physically, I was drained. Somewhere along the way, my mind ended up in a very dark and cold place. My body began to communicate with me that I was being unhealthy. My skin started acting up by giving me stress/hormonal acne with very painful ones appearing deep under my skin. Plus, my eczema got worse. I also gained weight because I was eating nonstop, also known as stress eating. Although my stomach was full, I still wasn't satisfied. Half a bottle of wine only made me temporarily happy because I would feel hollow and lonely again the next morning. I tried to focus on myself, so I traveled, socialized with friends, watched good movies, read books and "ugly cried" in the shower. All these things made me feel better but still only lasted short term. Then in October, I missed a flight right under my nose and lied about to my family. Ugh, so many negative vibes. There were days that I wanted to leave this life, to quit. I know I can't be that selfish. What about my son? My wonderful baby whom I brought to this world.
I finally came to the realization that I gave all that I had, but it didn't fulfill, nor replace, nor recharge the love and energy in return. How can I get that wonderful energy back? From who? From where?
During this photo shoot, I spent about 12 hours with my creative artist and photographer friend Kaylin. We talked about our core values, talked about art and artists, talked about activists and humanity, talked about music and food, about our partners and love... anything really, you name it. She gave me a piece of advice before we departed:
"TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF"
She was absolutely right. If I can't take care myself, how can I take care of others? How can I send out the "inspiration" and "good energy" which I always talk about online and in real life.
I took my very first step and I stopped being hard on myself. I stopped being mad at myself. There's been progress, but it definitely takes some time. Nowadays I've been talking to myself more than ever, like "it's okay, let's do it later," or "let's try it again," or "you got this! good job!" and pat my own shoulder. I'm actually learning more about myself in the process. I still have personal things going on but at least I found the mean issue and I've begun to heal.
I'm rising up slowly but surely.
The reason why I'm sharing my dark period here is not because I need attention or pity. I'm sharing this because depression is real and hidden under our skin, real deep. I wanted to reassure you that you're not alone, we are here together! Together we can get out of it.
But really, take care of yourselves! And I'm not just talking about getting a manicure or going for a massage, etc. Take care of the inner you, take care of your soul. If the inner you is not being celebrated, not loved, and not understood... the world doesn't make any sense.
Sending lots of love and hugs,
Mind of a Mongol
Copy editor: Jenn Tinoco
Photographer: Kaylin Rodriquez
P.S. Kaylin and I were born on the same exact day in the same year.
Isn't that awesome? We have lot of common.